I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
