Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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