I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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