I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
