Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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