i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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