I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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