i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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