My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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