My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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