I cannot find my penis.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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