yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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