in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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