yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
