your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
