this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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