I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This house was built for laser tag.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
