Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
