it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
