you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't notice because vodka
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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