dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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