I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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