It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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