Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
