I wish I only lived at night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
