so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
