Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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