We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
