Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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