Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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