She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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