i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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