Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
