Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
