He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
