you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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