need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
