I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
