I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
