Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
