just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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