Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
