don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
