I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
