I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
