I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
