I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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