He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
