That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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