So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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