Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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