nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
