I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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