you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
