is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
