butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
