apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
