And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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