Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
