Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize