I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
