Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
