he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
