if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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