I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
