the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
