i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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