what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
